It's not just you
We need to look out for each other!
I know this isn’t basic everyday entertainment, but that’s part of the problem you’re facing. Addiction is everywhere. That’s why some of us don’t see it in others, we’re too busy with our own, and it takes years to start seeing the changes – unfortunately, this goes for self improvement too!
Has much changed for you since the first time? Or are you still doing the same thing over and over like there is no escape?
If you’re like most people who watch porn, porn has probably affected your life more (and worse) than you realise. Some people watch porn and get hooked, it’s simple. This is one of those “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” clichés but that’s fact. There’s allot of people like you who became a victim of their own desires. It’s all about action, none of these words mean anything, I promise doing something and reading about it are two complete different things and experiences.
Now I just want to clarify one thing before you read the rest – quitting is EASY. It’s the avoiding the desire which can be so powerful at times, which is actually the HARD part. Somehow you have to figure out how you are going to change the way you look at this whole ordeal – how will you change yourself to be turned off by it, how will you become someone who’s not tempted by it anymore? How do you become someone who is not controlled by it?
Without language, the only way we could speak would be with our actions- that’s the real language of the universe. You can’t forget a language you’ve learnt most of your life in a day. Everything is connected. Take time out of the equation, and the common denominator is you. What you did/ what happened to you yesterday or 10 years ago doesn’t just disappear into thin air, you carry it with you everywhere you go. How else did you get to where you are today? The cover of your book is a reflection of what’s inside your book, so never underestimate the things you do, even if no one is watching them, they are a big part of your true nature. Change doesn’t have to come today, but you must work towards changing yourself to what you set out for and stay on track and pick yourself up when you’re not getting there.
Over a long time, addiction can change someone’s identity. That’s cause for every high there is a low. The more you do something, the more normal it becomes: as you keep going up that road, you bring yourself down in ways you don’t even know. Every porn video takes you down a little bit lower every time.
What was once unacceptable or ‘in moderation’ becomes a normal habit you don’t even think twice about now. Some end up going downhill, it’s not just a bad habit anymore and it becomes a part of your life.
There have been over 100 billion people on this planet, but no one has yet to figure out the power of our brain. But one thing that we know is that our brain hates uncertainty (change) (look at the world today and 6,000 years ago, we still have the same problems like poverty, war, inequality, separation etc.).
Instead, changes happen slowly, it’s a slow process you don’t realise till you’re a few years older and you have to face the extreme consequences of your actions when shit gets real. So remember, it may not affect you today, but eventually all things come back. Laziness might save you time today, but tomorrow you will have to work twice as hard.
So please please be mindful the next time you feel less worthy, stupid, ashamed or whatever – you only end up weakening yourself! What happens is that you start slowly hurting yourself, not only are you now harming your physical body but also your mental health. It’s a slow process that eventually take away from who you could have been. Since most of the change a person can go through can only come from the inside, when you weaken yourself, you make it harder to recover – but there’s a catch! If you do recover, then you build a strong character – it goes both ways!
- When the mind is focused on something, you will get it: so make sure you start developing other desires! If people wanted to be as successful as they wanted sex, then the world would be different lol.
–Have hope: it’s powerful beyond imagination, every cell in your body can fight with you! For some the cure is real hope in a better future and that they can do it. “A man with no vision for his future will always return to his past.”
Watch out for emotions: you will fall into self-doubt (Especially when your brain is adjusting to the lack of regular dopamine rushes) and not just about No Nut November, but anything can trigger you to feel sorry for yourself and make you want to fap the feelings away or watch porn to ignore the feelings…
–From now on, actually confront your emotions. Or positively distract yourself cause that’s better than feeling guilty after that and potentially ruining your day.
You will always succeed. But life will give you another test to see if you mess up. And until you conquer the enemy inside of yourself, beat the shit out of him (lol), you can’t really go forward or be 100% real to yourself.
- You will ALWAYS feel like you deserve/need to watch porn, there will always be an excuse and you will always be deserving of it. You will think I’ll just watch a little bit or whatever excuse you told yourself… Don’t fall for it. Don’t do it. when those thoughts start kicking in, do whatever it takes to get rid of them. Before you know it, you’re relapsing for a few seconds of joy.
—remember, there’s endless amounts of videos and endless amount of excuses!
Find the ability to adapt “If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will present you with a new hello” replace the habit with something else you can do around the house that preferably doesn’t include a device (don’t stay in the same place you’re vulnerable). –Google what to do when bored for example: https://www.dailydot.com/irl/what-to-do-when-youre-bored-at-home/, create options for yourself.
Realise that it’s not the answer you’re looking for. < It isn’t going to solve anything at all and will have you starting at the same place again
- Advice for younger people:
There was once a homeless man who had nothing and he was at the lowest point of his life. One day that same homeless man had a family, became a billionaire and even ran for president AND he didn’t even work hard! Do you know how he did it? He lived to the age of 500, so all he had was just more time!! Ok, don’t laugh at my stupid story lol. The point is, if we had unlimited time you could really do anything you know! But we don’t, time is worth more than money – younger children should be happier than billionaires :D, being young is something special- not because of all the obvious reasons, but rather because you can do almost anything, have the time and can afford the risk. If you try at a dream, you might just succeed. But that’s time you have to spend for your future not your present.
If you catch on to stuff like this early in your life, you have a better chance at succeeding because you won’t be as miserable at 30 cause you wasted your youth and destroyed your future. You won’t need to recover from your own bs, you will grow both physically and mentally. Don’t teach yourself to do the same thing day in day out. Try new things, find out more, read and play outside more! Also quit fortnite and read books lol. Oh and stop being arrogant, life gets hard so prepare now!
- Advice for religious people: 1. We all fight the demons within us cause the devil will tell you a lie in your own voice. The devil will only show you the good joy and high but not the bad. He won’t show you the entire process where you’re slowly destroying yourself. It’s up to you to hold your head and tell yourself you’re better. You can’t be a slave to him, you don’t need it and you can do without.
2. Make a sincere covenant, a promise that you’ll quit for at least 90 days.
3. You’re jeopardizing your faith. When you know nobody is watching you; you proceed to go for it. But you also know god oversees everything? Doesn’t that mean if you really believed in god, you wouldn’t be doing this?
- Understand the power of images, videos, this is bigger than yourself. What makes things so addicting to so many? Dig deeper and understand what addiction means to you. Study self-control, read books, watch informative NoFap videos, be part of a NoFap community online (reddit or nofap.com) it will help to be with people going through the same thing. They will motivate you and when you feel the urge go on the websites (bookmark it).
A book I can suggest is Russel Brand’s The program. Here is a quick summary of it: https://www.russellbrand.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/russell-brand-recovery-the-program.pdf
- Be responsible and smarter– Don’t just admit your flaws and not work on them and fall back everytime you get stressed, that will put you in a loop dummy. So don’t click on everything, unfollow people who can get to you (your ex/crush/insta thots/soft nudes etc.), make the social media algorithms work for you. Change your approach with women -don’t stare at females and be more respectful of them. Stop seeing them as sex objects and people like you and me.
- TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND UNDERSTAND THAT YOU CAN BE YOUR BEST FRIEND AND ENEMY SIMULTANEOUSLY! WE’RE COMPLEX BEINGS.
- You might not be horny, this might be the coping mechanism in a life you need to change.
ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS FIND A NEW DAMN COPING MECHANISM (PREFERABLY SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS TOXIC THOUGH!) BECAUSE WE ALL NEED TO COPE AND RELAX.
methods and techniques
Firstly, before I begin: Please don’t ignorant cause ignorance is what can get you here in the first place. Be honest with yourself – “The man that knows himself knows his limits”. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it then. Don’t tell yourself I don’t see myself doing this or that, this technique seems to stupid or whatever. Because to create change, you have to change the things you do- and it all starts with the mind.
If you’re the one who got yourself in this mess, maybe you shouldn’t listen to everything your mind says… Especially when it wants to give in. Remember… there’s a million methods and techniques – just choose one or a million, it doesn’t matter, BUT STICK WITH IT. The rest of the page is irrelevant because you can find a million reasons as to why or why not. Make the right choice!
They all take discipline! So that’s the real method behind it all.
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THERE IS ONE WAY TO INSTANTLY WIN NO NUT NOVEMBER?
- (Literally) Do anything else. Be a free spirit. Just get off your desk or bed and find something else. It doesn’t matter what it is, get your mind off it (stare at the pigeons in your garden, doesn’t matter). Freedom is beautiful, don’t let PMO be your only form of cheap entertainment when the world already has everything you could ever need.
- Laugh it off: This actually works well with urges that come from BLAST (bored, lonely, angry, stressed, or tired) where you’re ‘out of balance’. What you have to do is get yourself to a state of equilibrium by smiling and focusing on your breath and appreciating where you are right now without porn. Get out of that tunnel that leads to nowhere, peacefully kick out the urges that flow through you like they are about to take you over. Now with a clear mind remember you, your powers, your aims and what’s really best for you.
- Tell someone you truly trust. It’s likely that they are also watching porn regularly. Make a deal with your friends, accept help. Drop it casually in a conversation if you’re shy to ask.
- Be honest with yourself: “The man that knows himself knows his limits” – study what makes you do it, why, and how you can quit. Just don’t be ignorant to your own actions, that’s some of the worse thing you can do really it’s BS.
- Skippy analogy (my fav)
6. Emergency page: Write down all the bad memories of PMO (when you fucked up, staying up till 3-4am, weirdest fetishes, low point, people walking in on you etc.), create hate for it and remind yourself everytime you need to. Write a page for yourself of all the negative things of your addiction and open it up when temptations are getting serious or you even have one thought.
Or screenshot and open this page if you need to relapse:
7. Occupy yourself and plan: plan the days of your life and take control of things: have a checklist of goals you need to achieve for the day. Once this is done, urges show up less.
-Be some damn busy you don’t have time for urges. When I was feeling a bit rough mentally and knew I would be vulnerable if I was home
8. Mindset: Don’t see this nofap thing as a challenge, because every time you remind yourself of ‘the struggle’, such as fighting urges, you’re telling yourself you DON’T want to do it. You need to tell yourself that you are healing your mind and body, that every day you add is you going up another level! Every day you are free from this sick addiction is a level up. That’s power man, that’s you taking control, that’s you being the man (or woman) you were destined to be!
If it has a place inside of your heart (no matter how small) you WILL (let me repeat this once more) you will return to doing it. That’s why a bigger part of you needs to KNOW this is what you NEED even though it doesn’t feel that way. Don’t just belief in yourself or your abilities cause that will result in heartbreak, believe in progress over time. Cause you’ll never fully clear your heart’s desires and what’s inside of you wanting to come out. Only looking at the negative things porn does to you is not enough and there still won’t be a change. You’ve already accepted a life like that previously so you need to turn your weakness into strength rather than just ignoring them and focusing on your strengths.
9. Visualize: If you have urges then take a long look in the mirror every time and ask yourself is it worth it? Also, look at the chair/bed you’re on when you do it and visualise yourself doing it. Realise that it’s not you under full control and this isn’t your purpose on this planet. Take a step back and see it for what it really is. Look at your screen and understand that you’re staring at a rectangle and you’re all alone.
10. Record your urges: Write down in 5’s for every time you want to watch or nut (5 10 15 20 25 etc.) and the higher points you get the closer you are to winning. (estimate in 5’s or write every urge). Do this in your notes app or a notebook idk just don’t tattoo it on your body lol.
11. Deep breath: Don’t let it overwhelm you while you’re vulnerable. Get back to your senses and laugh it off, Ask yourself “why am I thinking about this?”. Get conscious with what you’re doing (look around your room), talk to yourself, question yourself, argue with yourself. Remember your subconscious is in favour of the instant dopamine. The input you receive from your external stimuli (movie, sex, drugs) will stimulate and arouse far more nerves and neuronal pathways and you won’t even hear the small voice inside you that says no. Watch out when you’re tired or feeling down, cause your conscious decision making can easily be overpowered by desire.
-Take a second and remind yourself that you have a choice. You are in control. Know that your world doesn’t have to remain this way. Remember that you need to change now, not tomorrow.
12. Make a pact with yourself, make it a covenant with god, make it real. When you’re down and you’ve had enough, let yourself feel that you’ve had enough because your mind has no problem.
13. Be happier in life: boost your serotonin i.e. with sunlight or changing your perspective in life (make your happiness come from you, not material objects or people). Start appreciating more, that’s the quickest way to being happy without buying stuff or whatever.
14. ALL OUT GANGSTA WAKE UP: No porn, it’s all or nothing at all starting from exactly right now. Just leave it all behind for good. Doesn’t matter if you’re an addict, it just matters that there are so many benefits to this. So let PMO be something you used to engage in, and now don’t for all the reasons that are enough to convince you- simple as that.
15. Slowly but surely: one step at a time, every month do it less. In that time discover what triggers you, why you do it, find your weaknesses and your strengths. Slowly begin rewiring your brain but be realistic and don’t lie to yourself. You can’t tell yourself after you nut that this is the last time. The last time only happens when you just don’t open porn again.
So the next time the trigger hits, the neurological pathway will produce less and less dopamine/serotonin. This works for lots of addictions but it’s not as effective here.
The rush of adrenaline with a surge of dopamine will more than often lead you to failure (desire for temporary serotonin). If you give yourself the chance to watch porn, you might be less strict. So you can lie to yourself easier here. Also, when you watch porn and nut you reset the counter back to 0 and you’re just as horny as you were from day 1 or day 100. So try your best to avoid a relapse!
the challenges you face
(Lol this makes life sound like a game)
You need to understand that it’s not just a (sexual) desire anymore because addiction is something that becomes an important part of your life.
1. Porn is the easiest option you have, it’s so ******* easy to access.
The easiest option is sometimes the worse option (universal law). Yet you’re not letting go because it’s also something that pleases you cause life isn’t exactly the best for you. It’s just too good to let go from where you are, I mean you’re only a few seconds away from watching a hot video and busting a nut if you wanted to right now and no one can stop you:
In the moment it’s so great huh, you have the opportunity and it’s easy to take. And sure enough, there are benefits to masturbating:
Notice how 7 out 9 benefits are all temporary? It’s a momentary treasure that feels like gold in the moment, but it’s poison for your heart, literally.
Sexual energy is a part of you that must go somewhere, and that’s either down the drain or for a real purpose. So you can unload it on your own two hands or use your hands to do something that’s good for you.
“An ounce of semen is considered to be equal in value to sixty ounces of blood” stamina, more energy etc. are just some of the many benefits of semen retention.
And that’s the beauty of it. You can feel even better than you did when you’re fapping (long-term happiness adds up to more happiness than short-term).
Energy is the ultimate driver. Our body has constant needs (every breath) and if your willpower is weak then you’ll respond every time so instead of controlling your energy, you let your energy control you. So when you’re used to masturbating, your sexual energy will overwhelm most of you- change it and use it to levitate (lift yourself) instead.
3. It’s hard to quit
I’ve got some more bad news for you: every porn video you’ve watched has been setting you up for failure. Some of you have been doing this for years; it’s become part of your identity. The thoughts and parts of you that love PMO will get to you like there’s no escape… they are overwhelming and controlling.
The worst part is not how much you like/need it, how easy it is to access or how addicted you are; it’s that this is IT for you. It’s a hard truth to face but this is your life, and this is what it’s come to cause these are your actions which you’re are deciding.
4. You love your desires so much you ignore the truth about them. Are you masturbating or experiencing?
The body doesn’t see, only the heart/soul/gut/spirit whatever you call it. Your body all depends on the feedback your brain gives, and from the images you see it’s almost a reality you’re experiencing (did you know that imagining something like you being famous can make you feel like it’s real).
There is a thin line from reality vs fiction because you’re looking at a rectangle box with sound and images that come to life (video). From the way you are consumed by it, it can be less like a pixelated video and seeing it as another, smaller world that you’re inside of. You give life and meaning to the video.
How much time do you spend looking at a screen (not just porn)? It’s always just been there for you, you can spend as much time as you want and it will never do anything bad to you. It gives you all kinds of emotions and you don’t even need to move. If your screen is your soulmate, then you got another problem.
There is good on the internet but there is also allot of BS and so much to waste time on. Consider taking a break and detoxing from technology, it can be life changing.
5. I’m stuck in a cycle that’s OK. Safe. Enough.
Even though this isn’t exactly what you had in mind when you were young, you’re surviving and it’s enough. You can go to sleep and wake up the next day. You’re slowly working your way up and fitting in just OK. You get home from school/work & find that when you can, you’re probably busting a casual nut. On the weekend it’s a bit hectic and that’s just how things are, you’re not hurting anyone. I mean, lots of guys do it too. Why should I even break this cycle?
You will never be truly satisfied. Unlike animals, we’re the only ones on this planet that can and want more. There is endless entertainment, what it is you really want? If you’re still here reading about addiction, chances are, you are not everything you want to be and deep down you do realise that and I think it’s about time we change that.
Have you ever dozed off for a while in a completely different world and suddenly realised that what you were thinking was so… pointless? Have you ever procrastinated when you had something to do? What if most of your days are like that too? If every day has become too repetitive, it might not just an addiction problem anymore. You might not only be procrastinating from your daily responsibilities, but you could also be procrastinating from your own life.
No need to think twice, just small decisions like what kind of porn today, what you’ll have for lunch. And there you are, just watching the world go by, day by day while you’re in your in your own little world you that you created, occupied by repetitive empty thoughts and emotions.
Unfortunately we’re under the influence of a drug called the subconscious. The subconscious mind controls more than 90% of your day. Basically, we live on autopilot. From the minute you wake up your brain already knows what to do and expect. We are so weird, but what’s worse is that the subconscious mind mostly cares about your day, not your life in one or two years. We aren’t focused beings in the grand scheme of things. Maybe you can change that and decide you want something else?
6. You’re bored, and there’s nothing else to do
You might have created a routine/plan for your day/life without even realizing. The work/school-life balance might be a routine, but every day is different (what a shocking fact) and it’s the journey that matters right? Okay, but let’s say you wrote down day on paper, how similar would every day look to you? Does your journey look like you’re just walking up and down the same street?
If porn is your final option, then BREAK THE CYCLE. If your only entertainment options are the usual then what makes you so different from a hamster on a wheel? Cause your cycle will only give you like two or three options. Look around you, everything in the world is unique and beautiful plus there are more things to do than there is time for. Instead of playing video games, play the game called life!
Make the most out of your time, something that you CAN look back on that grows you, educates you, helps you… Entertainment is just never enough to escape reality.
Okay so what am I supposed to do? I’m bored! Entertain me right this instant! RIGHT NOW
Countless masturbation becomes mindless because it’s just a repetitive cycle based on some desires. In the grand scheme of things in this world and your own life nothing is gained but some extra muscle in your arms, but you do lose allot…
So there are days you have no direction and your time at home gets a bit boring. If you’re watching TV and you’re bored, it’s not that you need to find another channel that’s showing something good- it might be your current lifestyle that’s boring. So you need your next fix, something like masturbating cause you crave that amazing feeling.
The go get that amazing feeling, but in a real and authentic way. Find a new purpose, boredom is almost always deeper than we realise. Take the hard route, find a new way to have fun. Even the most fun things become boring at some point, we’re complex creatures and new things should always be embraced! You never actually stop growing or learning even when you become a ‘adult’. It’s an endless pursuit so don’t stay in the same place.
Ironically, more of what you’re already doing/do every day is not enough. When you’re bored because of something you can’t fix it by doing the same thing. If you’re bored and you watch porn, you’ll just be bored after that. When you’re bored, your soul is yearning for you to do something else with your damn life. Don’t get stuck in a loop where you’re asking what now? Easy options like porn won’t fill the hole in your heart. You have to step up and escape the boundaries you’ve set for yourself. Find a new challenge, No Fap is a good starting point. Anything that grows you is a good starting point. Perhaps don’t even bother with no fap or no nut november, just try different challenges or other things that grow you as a being, then come back and conquer what you couldn’t do before!
7. But I work hard and I need the stress to go away
Everything is your choice, maybe some of the things that stress you are because of your choices so maybe not all your choices are good choices, IDK. But if you’re working so hard, why drain your energy and time? If you’re going to struggle, you might as well work hard till you don’t have to anymore.
8. I’m single/ v desperate
I hope you come to your senses and realise that you’re having sex with yourself in your bedroom, not the girl on that rectangle screen.
Advice for my single and or desperate people: Find yourself before you find anyone else! One day you will be married. One day you’ll be with someone for the rest of your life, and you can do whatever you want with them- until then, be the best version you can for them. Make sure you can offer them more than your genitals and one ordinary holiday a year.
Perhaps you want more out of life or maybe you just don’t like the way this addiction looks on you. Maybe you don’t feel like this is who you really are… Anyways, no matter what your reason is, porn or any addiction you’re getting tired of is most definitely not the answer to any of your questions. So it is time to step up and escape the boundaries you’ve set for yourself. Find a new challenge, No Fap or beating any addiction is a good starting point. Anything that grows you is a good starting point. Even if you can’t accomplish this, at the very least, try different challenges or other things that can help strengthen you – then perhaps come back and accomplish what you couldn’t before!
And always have faith and believe in yourself no matter what!
Goodluck!! I believe in you
And thank you for your time! I would really appreciate if you could sign your email up to my list for something amazing I’m working on that you’ll love.
It’s really worth it and I’ll only email you like once or twice, plus when I do, expect some fire memes.
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But most importantly, stay strong out there : )