The journey
Dear diary,
Today was the best decision of my life. I promised myself that I would do 30 days of no nut november and if I failed I would chop off my 
enis.
The first day wasn’t too hard really. I went through www.nonutnovember.org and read the advice page so I’m woke asf now.
Now I’m just texting my wife to let her know I’m breaking up the marriage (I can’t risk losing)… anddddd now she’s mad as usual, nagging and saying stuff like “Think about the children? How can you do this? Where are we going to live? Let us in please. Please we’re cold”… wow women huh?
But little does she know that I’m READY to win NO NUT NOVEMBER
Dear diary,
3:05 PM
Today was harder then expected. When I go to pee I don’t even look down there. It’s just haunting me, its like it has a mind of it’s own or maybe I am just stoopid.
4:20 PM
I have tied myself to the anti-masturbation cross and I’m staying here till it’s safe out there.
Dear diary,
Today I felt like quitting, I don’t think I can do this any longer. This is worse than torture.
For starters, I can’t even breath properly, I feel dizzy and I’m throwing up. My body can’t move I’m dying
I’m seeing all kinds of things, even lotion is starting to give me looks.
Dear diary,
Today I found out about these ‘free nut coupons’. I’m just going to activate mine in real quick cause the pain is unbearable and I’m a lil bish.
Okay… I heard they are fake.
This isn’t how I thought it would go… I’m starting to hear voices, I’m LOSING MY MIND. p l e a s e help
Existence is suffering.
release me from my physical form p l e a s e
Dear diary,
WHY DOES THIS WORLD HAVE TO BE SO CRUEL.
Here I am… Hallucinating.
Sweating.
Nauseous.
Cold.
But I’m still going strong.
Dear diary,
My whole body hurts, but my breathing has become better. I can feel super powers setting in though! Just today I began predicting the past. I can feel the change happening. I realise that I need to get rid of that sickness and now I’m healing.
This will be hard work but I’m staying strong
Dear diary,
Today hope was restored. I began to see microscopic objects with my naked eyes now as my vision become much clearer. I even levitated for two seconds but I got unconscious for a while. So I decided to take up a new hobby.
Dear diary,
Today was really weird. I felt some powers boiling up under my skin. I think the benefits of no nut november are starting to pay off. First my hair turned into fire…
I started seeing the world differently, everything was just data
excuse me while i succ the zucc up until i hiccup
Dear diary,
Today I noticed more powers when I woke up and I telepathically snoozed my alarm. So I have been levitating mostly with small objects.
Dear diary,
Today I opened my mind and began seeing the world differently. Also more levitation practice.
Dear diary,
My cardiovascular system is super-efficient now that it has completely rewired itself to pump blood strictly to my brain as I only use that to do most things. But it’s fine cause I don’t even need to walk anymore I’ll just levitate so there. I am maximising my body and preparing for war.
The iron isn’t even plugged in, I powered it with my brain alone.
Dear diary,
I felt isolated today. Everyone in school is afraid of me; even myself. I’m scared I’ll hurt others with my new powers. They are so worried because my mind has exceeded everyone, today I realised the limits and powers of human nature. I shouldn’t even be in school.
I realised that all that blood going to my enis was preventing me from thinking, I understand why men are all stupid now. Since blood goes to my brain I’ve been much smarterer now.
I don’t know how to feel. Everything is different. Even my taste is different, everything I ever loved isn’t fun anymore.
N O T H I N G I S T H E S A M E N O W
I have exceeded the limitations of my physical form, and I am now able to jerk off OTHER dudes (no homo though) from a distance, thus making them lose no nut november
…I was just testing out my powers!!
Dear diary,
Today I managed to manipulate the laws of physics on command.
Dear diary,
Today my life-long crush texted me and asked me to come over to quote “fix the sink”. Here is the convo:
“Her: Heyyyyyyy there big boy 😉 😉 😉 xx
Me: wtf u want
Her: Can you use your 
large enormous muscles to fix my sink? Water is coming out of the tap 
“
Two seconds after reading that text, my entire blood supply rushed to my enis, knocking me out unconscious for the next 10 hours.
I am writing this telepathically whilst my body rests, I am in deep meditation in another dimension.
Anyways, my physical body woke up with a headache that lasted for several hours and I’m not feeling good. The past haunts me 🙁
Todays mood:
What I want:
…
Dear diary,
Today I am in full control of my senses.
Dear diary,
Today took a selfie but I forgot that I had transcended out of this plane of existence. I’m in another dimension now, I all kinds of creatures of the 4th dimensional world. I understand that we are certainly not alone in this world now.
Dear diary,
My body has adapted and I now have gills. I can convert anything to pure oxygen, so now I can breath underwater. Here is a picture of me reading a book on how to destroy the worl… uh I mean 50 recipes to cook with ingredients from the local trash bin.
Dear diary,
Today I decided to leave the city behind and be at one with nature. I travelled to the oceans to test my new under-water abilities.
I am at peace with the world. Now I understand that even though some people make this world seem bad at times, I realised the world isn’t actually bad because this world doesn’t belong to them. I remembered how everything was just beautiful as a kid and how we got so used to things so we forgot the true beauty of the world.
I also made some new friends now that I can communicate with animals, the dead and even women.
Dear diary,
As my quest to be one with nature continued, I ran into some problems along the way.
shout out to brother nature!
Dear diary,
No nut november has got me walking my own car instead as I don’t need to use 3 dimensional objects to travel anymore. I can just teleport to places now.
I bring my car along just incase anyone asks how I got there.
Dear diary,
I have decided to get involved in politics cause there is too much corruption and I love the earth now. So I have decided to start a revolutionairy campaign around the globe cause things are really messed up here cause everyone is too busy worrying about themselves when things aren’t actually so bad…
Today I also harnessed my powers further and I began to use my mental power rather than my physical power to levitate objects now.
Pic from: yusefbro (IG)
Dear diary,
Today was a bad day, I was tempted and I felt isolated again. People think I’m crazy. I had to get away from everything.
The weight of my testicles is now too big of a burden for my mortal body so I can no longer walk. Instead I’m just levitating everywhere.
I feel like I’ve been banished from this weak society… THEY WILL PAY FOR SURPRESSING MY POWERS.
Dear diary,
Yesterday’s depressive episode made me realise that I need to exterminate everyone and repopulate the earth with my all-powerful-nut. So I am now raising a midget army to destroy my enemies.
Dear diary,
I decided to take a lil break… so I was playing some bbal… HOWEVER, I accidentally sneezed mid jump and ended up jumping over the hoop… SO I LANDED ALL THE WAY IN NORTH KOREA, ALL BECAUSE OF MY SNEEZE…
To be continued… (shit gets real now – you have been warned)
Dear diary,
Now that I accidentally arrived in North Korea I had to adapt quickly. I posed as a fellow member of society and gained the respect of the Koreans, I have now infiltrated them.
So after I pretended to team up with koreans, I told them all about no nut november. They loved it so much that Kim Jong Un immediatly commanded that all the woman (except for the grandmas) were to be imprisoned and that adult videos would be banned in order to give men a better chance.
After a while I tried to convince Kim to wage war against the USA (I just wanna see how lit the memes would get) but he said that him and Trump are “working things out” REALLY weirdly and he even winked at me with both eyes *(super weird).
So with the enormous amount of testosterone I have because of no nut november, I got angry and I assasinated Kim Jong un, declared myself supreme emperor of North Korea and Iraq (shoutout to north Korea and Iraq).
As the new supreme leader, all obeyed all my commands and were ready to die for me. We decided to form an empire and wage war to e x t e r m i n a t e all thots.
I can’t believe I infiltrated the Koreans without them even knowing. I had learnt the language in less than 5 minutes thanks to my new powers so I fit in really well. You can’t even distinguish me from the herd.
(I’m the one in the middle with the white outfit) and here I am on my inauguration day.
I declared to make no nut november an official north korean holiday. They were really happy. (pic from @yusefbro)
[TOP SECRET]
Dear diary, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I started no nut november but now I’m glad I did the challenge.
When I destroyed kim, I went through his phone and I discovered something no man should. If anyone finds my journal and is reading this then this is your last warning. Be cautious, do not tell a soul. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
This is one really bizarre secret story but if it gets out there I might risk exposing my undercover and jeopardize my life.
Dear diary,
I headed back home cause I realised that no one can be trusted. I realised I can’t associate myself with the weak. I will now take things into my own hands (pun unintended) and this time I’m coming for all.
I WILL SPARE NO ONE, ((Especially those that didn’t register their emails or follow me on instagram)) !!
Dear diary,
2:30 AM
I’m the last man standing… I’m the last one left. I just know because I can’t sense any powerful souls like mine for miles around… I’ll be ruling the world come December the 1st and the first thing I’m going to do is ban vehicles with loud engines (that is a real issue), criminalise porn and change the school curriculum *(seriously they should do this though).
12:23 noon
After a heavy night I decided to get a good long sleep before the ultimate day.
Now I’m going for some breakfast 🙂
1:06 PM
I just had breakfast and I can just see myself on top of the world.
Everyone will bow before me.
Now I’m just going to check my phone real quick right before the attack…
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1:69 PM
ohh lawd what a beautiful smile
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3:06 PM
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6:19 PM
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9:00 PM
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11:56 PM
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11:57 PM
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11:58 PM
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11:59 PM
I F****D UP
This has been fun but I’m going to cry now
All events here are totally based on a true story.
memes
